selfish teams

Big Man on Campus. Alpha Male. Silverback Gorilla.

These are all the kinds of terms that can be applied to the “commanders in chief” of top collegiate football programs.

But… how does their status translate into good ole’ fashioned reproductive fitness? In other words, do these “big men” reproduce more than most?

Well, we looked at the media guides for the pre-season AP Top 25 and here’s what we found:

    1. Georgia, Mark Richt: Married with three sons + one daughter (4)

    2. Ohio State, Jim Tressel: Married with two sons + two daughters (4).

    3. USC, Pete Carroll: Married with two sons + one daughter (3).

    4. Oklahoma, Bob Stoops: Married with two sons + one daughter (3).

    5. Florida, Urban Meyer: Married with two daughters + one son (3).

    6. Missouri, Gary Pinkel: Married with two sons + one daughter (3).

    7. LSU, Les Miles: Married with two daughters + two sons (4).

    8. West Virginia, Bill Stewart: Married with one son (1).

    9. Clemson, Tommy Bowden: Married with one daughter + one son (2).

    10. Auburn, Tommy Tuberville: Married with two sons (2).

    11. Texas, Mack Brown: Married with three sons + one daughter (4).

    12. Texas Tech, Mike Leach: Married with three daughters + one son (4).

    13. Wisconsin, Bret Bielema: No marital or parental status mentioned (0).

    14. Kansas, Mark Mangino: Maried with one son + one daughter (2).

    15. Arizona State, Dennis Erickson: Married with two sons (2).

    16. BYU, Bronco Mendenhall: Married with three sons (3).

    17. Virginia (VA) Tech, Frank Beamer: Married with one daughter + one son (2).

    18. Tennessee, Phil Fulmer: Married with three daughters + one son (4).

    19. South Florida, Jim Leavitt: No marital or parental status mentioned (0).

    20. Illinois, Ron Zook: Married with two daughters (2).

    21. Oregon, Mike Bellotti: Married with two son + one daughter (3).

    22. Penn State, Joe Paterno: Married with five children (5) and 16 granchildren.

    23. Wake Forest, Jim Grobe: Married with two sons (2).

    24. Alabama, Nick Saban: Married with one son + one daughter (2).

    25. Pitt, Dave Wannstedt: Married with two daughters (2).

What can we take away from this survey?

First, Joe Paterno wins — with five children (who, themselves, have averaged a reproduction rate of greater than 3).

Tied for second place, with four children each, are Mark Richt, Jim Tressel, Les Miles, Mack Brown, Mike Leach, and Phil Fulmer.

Interestingly, while 22 of the coaches apparently have two or more children, there is only one with one (and not more than one) child.

And, for the other 2 coaches — Wisconsin’s Bielema and South Florida’s Leavitt — they seem like they’re the James Buchanans of US Presidents. That is, if you take the absence of information in their media guides to mean that they’re not married and don’t have kids… then… they’re like (uncommon) high-profile politicians or CEOs who presently, at least, ride solo.

Of course, almost all of these numbers are subject to increase for each coach until the guy gets as old as, say, Joe Paterno. We wouldn’t hold our breaths, though, for most of the guys since we don’t assume that many of the coaches consider people like Tony Randall to be their role model (for fathering children after the age of, say, 60).

For anyone interested to see whether Penn State will stay at number one after JoePa is succeeded… it’s interesting to note that Rutgers’ Greg Schiano (a possible or probable successor) weighs in with 4 children and definitely has room for a fifth (his youngest is only 3 years old and Schiano is “only” 42).

Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama has captured the headlines in recent days with the announcement of Joe Biden as his running mate.

As the Democratic convention approaches its endpoint, however, McCain will announce his running mate… and… it looks like smart money should be betting on… Ray Barone to be the Republican nominee for Vice President.

Ray Barone?

Yep.

The fictional sports-writer from “Everybody Loves Raymond” — who was played and created and developed by the comedian Ray Romano — is apparently in line to be McCain’s VP.

What are we talking about?

Minnesota Governor (and McCain supporter) Tim Pawlenty had his “close-up” on August 8th when The New York Times wrote a softball piece about him on their front cover.

In the first paragraph, Pawlenty is quoted (from a radio interview that he gave around the start of fishing season) as saying that he’s happy to have gained his wife’s company while fishing and watching hockey games and added (as a joke): “‘Now, if I could only get her to have sex with me.’”

For anyone unfamiliar, this is the kind of humor that was central to (almost) every episode of “Everybody Loves Raymond.”

Not that there’s anything wrong with that… but… Is this what we’ve come to (in the world of high-stakes political posturing)?

Well, we figure that if the fictional sports writer Ray Barone (who somehow managed to have a family life while also covering professional sports in New York City)… “resonated” well with the American public… then it probably would do well for a politician to try the same.

We do wonder, though, whether the Vice Presidential debates might need to be rated PG-13.

With all of the talk about performance-enhancing drugs and their relationship to the Olympics…

It’s remarkably fortunate for NASCAR that news of “cheating” emerged this past week (following a race)… precisely when the eyes and ears of most casual sports-fans are paying attention to the Olympics.

In other words, the incident has caused problems within the “insider world” of NASCAR fans; however, for more casual fans… it’s likely something that never made “the news.”

In fact, it’s a safe bet that there’s been more attention paid by the world of sports-reporters to the potential abuse of performance-enhancing drugs in Beijing than to the recent violation of NASCAR rules.

It seems reasonable to think that NASCAR’s marketing-people, at least, recognize that this “scandal” could have had a much greater negative impact than it appears to be creating.

As the saying goes… timing is everything.

Olympic Beach Volleyball is the topic.

And the question is prompted by coverage of a match “last night” when players from the US were competing against a team from Brazil.

In particular, women were playing against each other… and the Brazilian team had an abbreviation for their country listed across their tops.

Wanna guess what the abbreviation was?

BRA.

That’s right. Bra.

Why is this remarkable?

Well, the clothes that beach volleyballers — the women, in particular — wear gets a lot of attention (or, maybe, it’s the relative lack of clothing).

And, to help explain — or respond to — the attention, the “party line” has been that it’s just a uniform.

Okay. Maybe. But.

Even those who advance the party line that the players wear “uniforms” also acknowledge that their uniforms are bikinis.

This is odd enough if you try to imagine the world 50 years ago or so.

It’s odder still, though, when you juxtapose the idea that a bikini top (and bottom) is really very similar to a bra and panties.

And, when the Olympians from Brazil play with the word, uh, we mean letters “BRA”, on their tops, the juxtaposition becomes even more clear.

Of course, if you try to imagine the world 1300 years ago, then the “odd” thing is that anyone wears anything to compete.

Yep.  In case you didn’t learn the details in your High School Classics class… the original Olympians (all male) competed in the buff.

Today’s Olympians (female beach volleyballers, at least) might be getting closer to buff, but they’re still a ways away.

To get back to our original question and hazard an answer… we figure that different groups of people are likely to give different responses than others. [Wasn’t that satisfying?]

We also think that this blurring of clothing-categories probably warrants (and gets) some decent “market research” since you’ve got track athletes wearing “tankinis,” you’ve got Victoria’s Secret selling swimsuits, and you’ve got Sports Illustrated selling “swimsuit issues” where suits are comprised entirely by paint.

Now that we think of it… maybe “market research” is responsible for this blurring….

Olympic swimming events are now over until 2012. And we’ve learned a lot about the sport from its events in Beijing. Probably about as much as we’ll forget between now and the next time that we care about swimming, which we figure will be about four years from now. Anyhow.

To take stock:

+ We learned that swimmers are now wearing new swimsuits that (1) let people go faster (e.g., to break world records) and (2) dress guys (in some races, at least) so that they look like girls.

+ We learned that Michael Phelps has set the new benchmark for swimming achievement for decades to come.

+ And, while it’s not really swimming, we’ve also learned why competitive divers shower after each dive into the pool.

With all of this knowledge, what’s left to learn?

Well, in the current issue of Time magazine, there’s an info-advertisement sponsored by Viagra that identifies the “wave breakers” that separate lanes as important functional devices that help to keep conditions similar for each of the racers.

We had never thought about the line dividers as functional before, but it makes sense.

Anyhow.

If Michael Phelps isn’t going to parlay his achievements in Beijing into a stint with the Baltimore Ravens, then we suppose that our next best hope is to see an interview (or reality show?) involving Phelps and famous Olympic under-achiever Bode Miller.

We have a feeling that the two guys probably have personality mis-matches that would make for some good entertainment.

What’s next? On to the diving board and track, apparently. Unless you’re watching the Olympics on the internet, in which case you might be waiting to catch the next archery, fencing, or baseball event.

When athletes achieve goals that they’ve spent years (if not decades) working to meet… we always think it’s rude, disrespectful, and anti-climatic… when reporters inevitably ask — in the midst of celebration and within minutes of victory — if they intend to try to “do it again.”

Thankfully… we’re not reporters and we’re certainly not in Beijing inside the Olympic swimming facility where we might ask Michael Phelps what he intends to do next.

We do, though, wonder if Phelps might try to parlay his swimming skills (and fame) into other athletic domains.

For example, Jim Thorpe dominated Olympic events and then attempted to excel as a footballer.

Is there any position in the NFL that Phelps could imaginably play?

With his height (6′4″) and speed, it would seem like wide receiver might be the best available option.

Well, given that Phelps trains at the University of Michigan, we imagine that he’d be more than welcome to test out the idea in Ann Arbor (though we’re doubtful that he any eligibility left to enter into the college ranks).

Instead, there are reports that Phelps intends to remain in competitive swimming and compete in London in the 2012 Summer Olympics.

With all of the success that he’s earned, it might take four more years to put into proper context what he’s accomplished so far.

Between then and now, though, we can only imagine the various offers that he’ll receive to do this… or do that… and… we wouldn’t be shocked if some football prospectors attempt to get his attention to give the field a spin.

UPDATE (8/13): NBC reports tonight (while Phelps was winning a semifinal race in the 200 IM) that he plans to take a break from swimming until February 2009.  Hmmm….  Are we the only ones to recognize that February is when the NFL season will be over?

Do you read (or write) letters-to-editors?

Well, we read them (at least).

And… in the current issue of Time magazine, the first letter that’s published is from C. Lin Jacobson of Pascagoula, Mississippi.

Anyhow, Mr. or Ms. Jacobson makes a great point in his or her letter and writes that Time’s recent cover photo of the 41-year-old Olympian swimmer Dara Torres “would… make a great cover” for the next swimsuit issue (from Time’s sibling Sports Illustrated).

For copyright’s sake, we won’t reprint the cover photo without permission… but you can safely imagine that an Olympic swimmer (of any age) has very well-defined muscles, very little body fat, and hasn’t had any implant surgeries!

So, on at least two counts, we expect that Torres wouldn’t qualify for the SI cover.

Given the critical scholarship that’s been on “The Swimsuit Issue,” though, we tip our hats to C. Lin Jacobson — and Time’s editors — for the effort.

We also remain intrigued to see how Torres does, … since, who knows, the swimsuit issue probably would benefit from a change in recent trends….

Forget Sports Illustrated. Forget ESPN The Magazine. Forget The New York Times.

If you want real sports reporting… sources like The Economist are the way to go.

In the most recent issue, they document the growing “globalization” of elite athletics.

Drawing on data from Major League Baseball (MLB), the National Football League (NFL), the National Hockey League (NHL), and the (European) Premier League (for soccer), they show a significant increase in the percentage of foreign-born players in each sport between 2000 and today.

In MLB and the NHL, The Economist reports that approximately 30% of the players are now foreign-born — an increase from approximately 20% only 10 years ago.

Why does this matter?

For one, it’s part of the reason that the Olympics will no longer be hosting a baseball competition since the best players from around the world are increasingly part of MLB, which isn’t going to interrupt the latter part of its season for an international tournament (that doesn’t directly yield profits).

MLB, of course, has made this elimination easier by agreeing — for now, at least — to organize the World Baseball Classic, which is designed to function like the World Cup does for the sport of soccer. The WBC is also designed — importantly — to avoid conflicts with the 162-game MLB season.

For the NHL results, it’s noteworthy that the 30% figure for “foreign-born” players does not include Canadians and instead it’s the total for players from Sweden, Russia, and — for any John McCain fans in the audience — “Czechoslovakia.”

For the NBA, the percentage of foreign-born players has increased from approximately 10% to the neighborhood of 20% over the past ten years (i.e., over the same period during which “Team USA” has found that it doesn’t necessarily dominate international contests).

For the soccer fans, we’re not so interested but apparently lots of people think it’s worth more attention.

We’re happy to count ourselves — along with Jim Rome and Jimmy Kimmel — as “not so much” fans of European edition of foot-ball.

Yeah, we’d rather watch ping pong — er, we mean table tennis.

If anyone wondered which political party is favored by the management of the Green Bay Packers… they need not wonder anymore.

The Pack unbelievably hired former W flack Ari Fleischer for a one-month consultancy to help with “public relations.”

If one were to pin the tail on the donkey, though, and assume that Fleischer is as trusted as the current President is popular (i.e., not so much)… then… the Packer’s new line that “Favre has a chance to be the starting QB” starts to look more like “yeah, that’s the ticket. He has a chance.”

Anyhow. Whether or not Favre is given the boot (thereby creating lots of billable hours for Fleischer)… we’re more keenly interested to see the extent to which Packers’ fans end up resenting the team’s managers hiring a high-profile flack from a low-popularity President.

Green Bay is not a hotbed of liberalism; however, the area is presently, at least, represented by Democrat Steve Kagen in the House of Representatives (and two Democrats in the US Senate).

If the Packers’ managers were facing re-election later this year… we expect that this circus would have unfolded very differently.

Count us among the people who see some comparisons between the current “situation” involving the temporarily-retired Packers QB Brett Favre and the former Eagles wide-receiver Terrell Owens.

In both cases, team managers made decisions that checked the interests of their prima donnas.

In the case of Owens, the Eagles refused to renegotiate his contract and Owens refused to play. As the game of “chicken” continued through the first few days of training camp… the Eagles’ management eventually “locked out” the famous wide-receiver.

In the case of Favre, the Packers’ management has gotten tired of the uncertainty surrounding Favre’s commitment and decided that they were “moving on” even in the face of renewed interest from the famous QB.

We don’t know what Brett Favre will be doing in a few weeks (beyond eating and, maybe, counting all of those zeroes in his brokerage statement)… but…

We do think it’s “interesting” to see the ways in which team managers can “stubbornly” commit themselves to these kinds of decisions even if sometimes it appears that “ego” and “face” seem more important than anything else.

On this point, though, there is a big difference between the treatment of T.O. and Favre since if the Eagles renegotiated with T.O., they would have opened the floodgates to similar demands from other players (since the current management has maintained the principle of not renegotiating deals).

In the case of Favre, though, the interest of Packers’ management to “control” fate appears to be much stronger… even if it means starting the season with a potentially fragile QB and two inexperienced backups.